Noel Gallagher has never been one to shy away from saying whatever’s on his mind, often to humorous effect (his description of Jack White as “Zorro on doughnuts,” while mean, still makes me laugh). It’s something he’s been known for since the early days of Oasis, though his former bandmate and estranged brother Liam displayed somewhat less wit in his recent campaign against his brother on social media that revolves around him dubbing Noel a “potato.” What does that even mean? We may never really know, and since asking Liam himself what he meant would probably only result in him responding with a rude gesture or perhaps another baffling tweet about Russian soccer fans, it’s probably best not to.
Still, the question remains – is Noel Gallagher a potato in any way, shape or form? In the interests of getting to the bottom of this, I realized the only way to know for sure is to see Noel in concert, then spend the same amount of time watching a potato and compare the results. If the potato is as good as or better than Noel Gallagher and his High Flying Birds, then it stands to reason that Noel is, in fact, a potato. #realjournalism
8:57: Over the course of nearly half an hour, Noel played the first five songs of his set, getting things off to a strong start with “Everybody’s On The Run” and “Lock All The Doors” and including the first Oasis song of the night, “Fade Away.” He also told a mosquito to fuck off. In the same amount of time spent watching a potato, it didn’t really do too much. I mean, it’s just a fucking potato, isn’t it?
Advantage: Gallagher, but just barely. While watching the potato, I had at least 5 Oasis songs going through my head.
9:12: Noel and his band, which includes a solid horn section, have just finished playing the first big singalong of the night, “Champagne Supernova,” a nice gesture after he just dedicated “You Know We Can’t Go Back” to Oasis fans everywhere in a not so subtle nod to his thoughts on a reunion. He may have also made the now famous “pouting potato” face right before playing that one. Well played, Noel. Meanwhile, the potato’s still just sitting there doing nothing, with nary a pout in sight.
Advantage: Gallagher
9:26: After finishing up Oasis b-side “D’Yer Wanna Be a Spaceman,” Noel asked if there were any Mexicans in attendance and I wondered for a second if he was going to go into some sort of Donald Trump inspired bit (Are we sure Trump’s not a potato? He seems like a good candidate for potatohood). Luckily, it was just his way of introducing “The Mexican.” He then went on to ask if there were any Scots in the audience, referring to the Scottish as “the Mexicans of Great Britain.” The potato made no such comments and refrained from having semi-private conversations with people up front about their brother being big fans like Noel did. “Is he alive? Is he here? Is he buying merchandise? Then I don’t care.” Potato would never say such things. Potato just is.
Advantage: POTATO
9:49: “We’ve come to the part of the show I like to call the end. Thanks for coming out. Coming oot.” While the Canadian pronunciation jokes are pretty played out (oot) at this point, we’ll forgive that since the 1-2-3 punch of “If I Had A Gun,” “Digsy’s Dinner,” and “The Masterplan” sounded pretty great. Potato: still just a potato.
Advantage: Gallagher
10:00: Noel plays “Wonderwall,” introducing it with all of the modesty we’ve come to expect from him: “This one’s fucking good.” He’s not wrong though. Noel later got in a good line at the expense of a fan up front who apparently collapsed during his set right after they played “AKA… What a Life!” “Did someone just faint at the sheer majesty of that song?” he asked, before telling security to prop him up so he could enjoy the end of the set. Sorry, potato, you can’t really compete with that.
Advantage: Gallagher
Conclusion: Noel Gallagher – probably not a potato. Definitely puts on a good show.
