Ottawa – Sometimes, you listen to something and wonder. I don’t know why but I queued up Barenaked Ladies’ If I had a Miillion Dollars this afternoon whilst working. As I listened to it, I started thinking. This song is about twenty years old, in a different economic age. Is it still realistic? Why did I think this? I don’t know. Maybe being in Ottawa this past week has put me into a more bureaucratic mindset. Let’s assume that the setting for this song is Toronto, since the band itself is from Toronto.
If I had a million dollars / (If I had a million dollars)
I’d buy you a house
The housing market is at a high these days, but still a million dollars is quite a lot of money. I am going to assume if you are going to tell someone you are buying them a house, you aren’t going to buy them some fix me up in some crappy neighborhood. So a few searches on MLS indicates that a decent sized house in a decent neighborhood will cost around 600k. (My mls search had A/C as a requisite)
Money left: 400k
Let’s say this house will probably need some papers done on it, and let’s face it..some minor renovations
Money left: 350k
I’d buy you furniture for your house (Maybe a nice chesterfield or an ottoman)
You can’t have an empty house and you certainly aren’t going to IKEA to buy furniture after splashing down 600 thousand on your loved one.
I’ll just say that furniture for your house will most likely cost about 20,000. Including bed, bed frame, dressers, television, couches, outdoor furniture, chairs, desks, bbq’s, guest beds, cutlery, etc.
Money left: 330k
I’d buy you a K-Car (A nice Reliant automobile)
There’s no K car, but we’ll go with some random Chrysler sedan car for about 15K
Money left: 315k
If I had a million dollars I’d buy your love
Let’s say the Diamond Ring costs about 5k
Money left: 310k
I’d build a tree fort in our yard
This actually cost nothing
I’d buy you a fur coat
Let’s say this red fox coat costs around two grand
Money left: 308k
Well, I’d buy you an exotic pet, (Yep, like a llama or an emu)
A quick look on some random pet site suggests you can purchase a pair of Emus for about 500 dollars. Add in startup costs of building a fence and then an enclosure, and probably permits and we’ll have this mark as a 3000 dollar purchase.
Money left: 303k
Well, I’d buy you a green dress, (But not a real green dress, that’s cruel)
Money left: 302k
Well, I’d buy you some art,(A Picasso or a Garfunkel)
Original Picasso is expensive, this piece here is 65,000 dollars.
Money left: 237K
Well, I’d buy you a monkey, (Haven’t you always wanted a monkey)
According to Slate magazine:
Lemurs, tamarins, and marmosets run in the range of $1,500 to $2,500; rhesus macaques and baboons might cost $3,500; and spider monkeys tend to be around $6,000. Chimpanzees cost upward of $60,000, which is considerably more than you would pay even for a giraffe (around $45,000) and 20 or 30 times more than you’d lay out for a zebra or a lion cub.
You pretty much don’t want a chimp, since it can rip your face off quite easily, so let’s go for a pair of marmosets, who are rather cute.
Marmosets: 5k
Money left: 232k
A good sized Monkey cage + toys + permits will probably set you back a few thousand
Money left: 230k
That’s it! If you were to buy your love one a house, furniture, car, emu, monkey, fur coat and all of the other things, you would still have 230,000 left. Considering the yearly costs for the upkeep of all those things, you might not be rich after a year or two.
So if you have a million dollars and a fan of the Barenaked Ladies, be careful.
